Careful What You Wish For…

For a long time now I have found myself saying things like “when things are normal again” or “I just want a normal life”. When I start to feel overwhelmed, or helpless, or heartbroken, or tired, confused, worried, or any of the thousands of other emotions that I go through, I repeat these words to myself and try to patiently wait for this magical time to come.

What has taken me 32 years, 5 months and a handful of weeks to discover, is that I do have a normal life. Normal people sometimes struggle. Normal people get divorced. Sometimes we make mistakes. People can and do get hurt. People with normal lives don’t always know what lies ahead. It is normal to have doubts and questions and wonder about religion. Bad things happen; people lose their jobs, their pets, their babies…it’s all. normal.

But this doesn’t mean that we aren’t going to be thrown for a loop when any of these ‘normal’ things happen to us. I was lucky enough for a while to live an abnormal life (or maybe just an oblivious one) and when reality hit (like it always will) I wasn’t quite sure what was wrong with me. I don’t know why I was so shocked to find out that I really am just like everyone else in this world and I’m not immune to anything. I guess none of us like to find out that we don’t have it all figured out.

Recently as I have been trying to comprehend and examine the ‘whys’ and ‘ifs’ in my life, I have had the opportunity to listen to others who have had to/or are going through very similar situations in their own lives. My perspectives on life are changing yet again. As more time passes, I am slowly starting to understand that these are all just lessons that I’m learning, and that there must be something that someone really needs me to find out. I promise, I’m listening now…

One thing is certain; I no longer doubt my abilities or instincts, and I am completely aware of my weaknesses. Okay, I guess that I am actually certain of two things. See, I’m learning already!

 

Pretty Things For You…

When I am at my worst or lowest, the only thing that really seems to help is to do something positive for others. As I was sulking this morning and checking up on my blogging friends, I ran across this post on Fastlane’s blog about paying it forward. It was just what I needed to get my mind out of the not so great place it has been in lately.

I was lucky enough to be the third commenter and now get to have some fun! I’m going to make homemade gifts for the first three people who not only comment, but also agree to give something or do something nice for three more people, thus the pay it forward idea.

Fastlane got the idea from Emily’s blog and I think she gave herself a 6 month limit to complete her homemade items because she is knitting them. I don’t think it will take me nearly that long for my projects, but I’ll just say you will get you items in less than 6 months. (just to be safe)

I thought that I would make some aprons with colors and prints like the ones pictured above. I have been wanting to start another sewing project and I am excited to get started. Like I said, my reasons are a little selfish; I need a distraction right now and I can’t think of a better or more rewarding way than this!

If you like this idea, or just want to get a cute apron from me then comment quick! Maybe I’ll make a few extras for a later giveaway too. Let us know what you do when you pay it forward as well. I love to hear what other people are doing!

Happy Thursday to all of you and good luck!

 

Everyday Is A Winding(?) Road

Or maybe just a straight hilly one that goes on f o r e v e r . Trust me, I have run this road…

 

We So Camped!

See these cute girls? Yeah…they’re exploring.

We were all lined up in front of our cabin waiting for the ‘ranger’ to check us out, and I asked my girls what their favorite part of camp was. The answer was unanimous. They all loved hiking along this teeny stream during an hour of free time on Saturday.

Isn’t that how things work out? All the leaders worked hard to plan different activities and classes for the girls and all they wanted to do was poke sticks in some water. Awesome. I was exactly the same as a kid. I could wander in the yard or a park all day doing the exact same thing. In fact there was a ditch across the street from my parents house that I frequented almost daily in the summer. Looking back, I realize just how gross that really was.

I know there was a point in my childhood that my mom had to put a limit on my rock/glass/seashell/crap off the road collection. I can’t help it, I take after my dad and he has collections of everything from National Geographic magazines, stamps, foreign currency and of course…rocks.

Now I limit myself to only keeping heart-shaped rocks. This was a tradition started by my grandmother and I want to keep it going with my kids. At her funeral the family put all of her rocks in a basket and displayed a note telling about Grandma’s love of nature. At the end it said to take a rock to remember her. I loved that there was something tangible for everyone to hold as they were leaving, I think that sometimes helps…sorry, getting sappy there for a minute.

Back to the camping part…

I think I mentioned before leaving for my trip I felt slightly more than an little unprepared right? Well, I am happy to say that I only forgot two items for camp: 1) matches…duh! 2) the meat I chopped and precooked and put in my freezer for our main dinner! Luckily there is a town that I am now in love with (Prescott, AZ) that is only about 10-15 minutes away from our camp, so I was able to fix the situation without anyone knowing anything was ever wrong. *phew*

Being in charge of the shopping, driving, cooking, etc. for this event was exactly what I needed right now. The last time I went into the wilderness was a backpacking trip with my family when I was 17 years old, so I haven’t had to do anything like this for 15 years. My husband and I have never camped. Ever. Like I said, we owned one sleeping bag. Period. I’m thinking that I need to go and get some gear because I now feel like I could handle planning a small trip like this and I wouldn’t be sweating it. (well maybe just a little)

I hooked up a propane stove and used it without blowing anything up! I also found out what a charcoal chimney does, and now I feel that they are a necessity to any sort of activity that includes the use of hot coals. Seriously, they are the coolest invention ever! I broke my own rule and let the girls have Smore’s twice, and no one was burned or poked with sharped objects in the process. (2 things I stressed about prior to camp)

Overall my girls were really easy to camp with and I only had one ‘messy’ one that I had to keep on about keeping her dirty socks off the cabin floor. Actually, I had a hard time getting her to keep her shoes on at all, but I can’t blame her, we live in the desert! Most of us live in flip flops 24/7 and it is really hard to break that habit! If I wasn’t the leader, I probably would have tried to get away with that some of the time myself!

Big M was on cloud nine during the entire camping trip and I think she talked a decibel louder as well. Everything was so novel to her, even washing the dishes and cleaning up camp, which was a nice surprise. I could tell that she was pleased that I was there but she definitely tried to show her independence as much as she could. This was helpful as I had a few girls that had a hard time finding clothes, socks, pjs etc. out of their bags by themselves. One even told me “this mom stuff is hard”. Yes, I have to agree with her!

The weekend went by much quicker than I thought it would and we were home before I knew it. I wasn’t sad to have the camp over, but I felt a new sense of independence within myself and I wanted to hold onto that feeling. We haven’t lived here very long and I have used that for an excuse hide in my safe little world instead of getting out of the house to get to know my new state.

Yesterday my husband took the day off and I decided that I would go out and do some exploring of my own. I got really lost. I ended up in some shady areas. I wasted a lot of gas, but I also found a nice quiet spot to read and I felt a little less lost than I have for a long time. (more pictures and stuff later)

I am feeling more confident to not only take on camp again next year, but also to take over as the troop leader as well. It’s going to be a busy year and I’m looking forward to the growth that will come with the responsibility and work. I’m mostly excited that I’m not afraid of the unknown anymore. Crazy, scary challenges coming my way? Bring them on. Things can only get better…

*thanks to Sperlygirl for the use of the rock photo!*

 

6 Little Words…

It sounds simple enough, but for some reason I’m stumped!

My friend Tim tagged me for what seemed to be an easy meme, but little does he know the difficulty this request has caused my foggy brain! Yesterday I kept thinking of words that could describe me, and they kept changing. So the first word I have to go with is indecisive.

Then, within the next 24 hours I went from laughing to sobbing uncontrollably so passionate would make my list, though right now it’s a love/hate relationship with this word.

Today I couldn’t stop thinking how many words could be used to describe me. I think I could write at least 6 words from each letter of the alphabet right this second and some wouldn’t be so great, so I’ll just say complicated.

The last 3 words, in no particular order, would have to be determined, loyal and spontaneous.

I actually have been thinking of writing a six word memoir about myself ever since I read Bookbabie’s post here about this book. I kept up on all of the links for a while and was so fascinated with all of the creative and clever responses. Sometimes while I’m in the shower I try to think of a 6 word phrase to reflect what I am feeling that particular day or week. Some of the the random ones I have come up with are:

“running to keep up with myself”

“the soundtrack of my life rocks!”

“always forward, stumbling as I go”

“need ocean and sunshine to survive”

“family, friends, food and fun times”

“when nothing else helps, just run”

Well, I guess I had a few answers up my sleeve after all. Isn’t it always a pleasant surprise when you find out you may just have something inside waiting to come out?

You know what’s coming next. . . your turn to think of 6 words to describe yourself and share them here with us. And yes, if you’re reading this, I’m talking to you. I need something to read when I get back from my camping trip!

Enjoy your weekend…

 

Lazy Lunch

I think I love the tortoises at the zoo most because they remind me to slow down a little…

 

Break Out The Marshmallows!

I’m currently bracing myself for a crazy week. There are many events happening in the spin household (as usual), and I am really starting to look forward to summer and a real break!

The first item is the one that has been occupying what little space I have left in my jumbled brain. For the first time as an adult I am going camping. Doesn’t seem like a big deal I know, but I am also taking along 8 little girls and 2 parents that are also very foreign to the whole camping thing as well. I really should have tried to do some practice trips, but nothing like jumping in with both feet, right?

My dad would be very disappointed to hear that I have absolutely no provisions besides a sleeping bag. He who was a Boy Scout leader for ten years and earned every award imaginable, would gasp to hear that I am so frighteningly unprepared. He added onto the family garage years ago and made an extra area just to contain the insane amount of outdoor/emergency gear that he has accumulated over the years. If there is ever any sort of disaster, all I need to do is get to his house and all of his offspring and their families would be able to survive for a very, very long time.

I take comfort in knowing that this Girl Scout campsite has cabins with bunk-beds, heater (if needed) and a fully equipped kitchen for those who get desperate. I’m hoping that we don’t end up being the troop that needs it, but it is reassuring that there is a backup if for some reason we can’t figure out how to light a fire or use a propane stove. How hard can it be? (I’m sure I’ll be telling you all later!)

I’m a little surprised that so many of the girl’s parents are so willing to hand over their 6-8 year olds to leaders who up until a week ago didn’t have a clue when/where camp was. *duh* I guess you could say I have been somewhat preoccupied with my trip and marathon, and our troop leader is in the middle of her finals and closing on her first home. But we are both focused now, and I’m sure we’ll be fine! *crossing fingers*

In a way I like the rush. I like to have one thing to focus on and not have to wait forever for it to happen. It gives me a specific and definite time line which is really good for me. My procrastinating tendencies kick into high gear if I don’t have constant reminders.

I am looking forward to this camp experience, moslty because of my daughter’s enthusiasm. Big M can hardly wait! As soon as we got the check list of what to bring (3 weeks ago) she was in her room packing a bag with clothes, towel, washcloth, tooth brush and flashlight. She seemed to think that a Target bag would be sufficient and it has been sitting on my new kitchen bench ever since. So sweet!

The campfire smell is another thing that I actually really enjoy. Boots and Smores. That’s what the scent reminds me of. The only thing I don’t like is when you get home and realize that when you’re not camping, the scent is not so appealing anymore, and you immediately feel the need to shower and toss wash all of your clothing. Another leader gave us a tip to do the Smore’s after lunch opposed to dinner so the girls will actually go to sleep at night. This sounds like great advice.

Speaking of great advice, I’m leaving in 4 days and would love if any of you have any fun ideas, tips, warnings, etc. At this point I could use all the help I can get! Thanks in advance for sharing with me, and also to all of you who yet again helped me out of a small funk that seemed to come out of nowhere and attack on Sunday night, thank you. I always feel better after a good vent, and my readers always seem to pull through with the encouragement and advice. I want you all to know it doesn’t go unnoticed.

Okay, time to go and buy some skillets and such! Wish me luck!

 

Monday Or Someday…

I seriously need this week to end.

I’m all for roller coaster rides at amusement parks, but when life is so up and down I tend to start feeling sick. Right now I’m at the ‘can’t move too quickly or I will throw up level’. So. Not. Good.

Last weekend was such a high, but ever since I came home I can’t seem to have just a normal, stress-free day. I don’t think I have been able to fall asleep before 2am, even if I get in bed at 10. When I do fall asleep even my dreams seem to be all over the place. I know loss of sleep is a big part of my problem right now. I don’t function well without at least a good 6 or 7 hours of it.

The other problems, unfortunately, have to do with me letting myself get too emotionally involved in things I have absolutely no control over. This is not a great situation for anyone, as it often leads to confusion and pain. Things that I generally like to avoid in my little world.

Also the things I have learned about myself this week make me angry. Angry that I’m too honest. Angry that I expect everyone else is too. Angry that I am always so surprised to find out otherwise. Angry that I set myself up time and again. Angry that I no longer felt safe.

How do I get so blindsided? When did I revert back to being so naive again? I thought that once you outgrew that trait you were done. It’s like jr. high all over again. Seriously.

Do you ever have those times where you wonder if there is any safe place to just be? I am so determined to find that place. I know there are reasons why I struggle, stumble and just generally eff-up, and I’m hoping it’s all part of finding this safe place. I just wish that it didn’t have to hurt so much! I keep thinking that my heart must be really tough right now like leather, but the feelings say otherwise.

All week as I have endured countless painful situations, I have also found little bits of sunshine from time to time that remind me that I don’t have to do this all alone, and I’m not the only one who has ever felt this way. I’m so grateful for those little reminders of hope. Tomorrow is a new day for me and a chance to prove that I am in fact moving forward.

Life will always be a ride and though it’s sometimes nauseating and scary, at the end I hope to look back and feel the same way I have about all the other nauseating and scary things I have done before. I want to be able to say, “that wasn’t so bad. I could do that again. . . if I had too.”

 

Best. Spaghetti. Ever.

I didn’t forget my promise to all of you! I mentioned in this post that I would share a great recipe and I always keep my word!

This is SO yummy. Seriously. Don’t be afraid of the chopping and stirring. Just get out a good book and read while you stir. That is my trick anyway! Let me know if any of you try it. It’s a family favorite around here!

Spaghetti Bertucci (with love!)

• 1 cup oil
• 6 pods garlic chopped
• 3 onions chopped
• 2 bunches shallots (or green onion) chopped
• 2 bunches fresh parsley cut off stems and chop
• 1/2 tsp. red pepper seed
• 6 bay leaves
• 2 Tbs. salt
• 1 Tbs. pepper

Brown all above ingredients together stirring constantly until it reaches the consistency of dried spinach. (about one hour) Then add:

• 2 cans of tomato paste (or 12 ounces) and stir for 15 minutes. (this will give it a rich dark color)
• 3 16 oz. cans of tomatoes (48 oz.)
• 2/3 cup sugar
• 24 oz of water (or 4 tomato paste cans of water)

Simmer 1 hour. Add cooked, chopped chicken breasts (2 or 3) and cooked meatballs about an hour before you serve. You can use pre-made meatballs, but these ones are best:

Meatballs

• 1 pound ground beef
• 1/2 cup parmesean cheese
• 1/2 to 1 cup bread crumbs

I don’t make this recipe very often and I’m not sure why that is. It’s a lot of prep, but it freezes well and it is SO worth the effort! This recipe should feed at least 15, so invite your favorite people over and enjoy!

 

Birthday Boy

In spite of all of my begging him not to, little Pitter is indeed growing up!

When P was born I liked him right away. He was by far my easiest delivery and after a short 24 hour stay at the hospital, I was ready to get this cutie home and start spoiling taking care of him. He was so sweet and I knew that I was going to be in trouble looking into those big blue eyes! He still can charm his mommy into doing about anything he wants with one intent stare!

The first thing that anyone would notice with P was his eyes. His eyes looked HUGE compared to the rest of his features and he would get called “bright eyes” by friends as well as random strangers when I would take him out. He has grown into those blue beauties now, but I still get stopped at the store, church or whatever by people commenting on them. (I know, I’m totally bragging here, but it is his birthday so I feel justified!)

Even though my mom claims that ‘bright eyes’ was my nickname as well, according to this test P looks more like his dad, so I can’t take the credit there! Dang!

M & M also took immediately to their little brother and have been great mini-mommies to him. He still gets a lot of attention from them as they want to kiss him constantly or tickle him to hear his sweet giggle. He LOVES their affections, and he prefers that his sisters get him out of his high chair or bed, and would much rather walk with them than ride in his stroller!

P started talking very early and I can remember him saying his sister’s names way before he was one. Now he will spout out anything you ask him to. Yesterday I was singing the Happy Birthday song to him and he said “Stop!. . . stop singing mom!” He was smiling though, so I think he really did like it!

He is pretty easily understood, but sometimes it takes a minute to figure out exactly what he is saying. Last night Jspin swore that he said “I awesome”, but when he repeated himself 5 more times it was actually “ice cream”. Still, I think he is a genius. He can even draw perfect circles. Want to see?

Pitter Patter can also dribble a soccer ball and throw any kind of ball right to you. I know he gets his coordination from me. I can’t wait to see what he does with all of his talents. He does get into music too like his dad, so he may just take that route as well!

Pitter, I love that you give everyone a kiss before we all go to sleep. I love how excited you get when we play Jenga. I love that you flirt with women in the grocery store. I love when you pretend to snore when I lay by you. I love that you are a mommy’s boy, even if it sometimes wears me out. I love that when I ask you if you have a messy diaper you tell me “no, I faht”. I love how you say “lu-loo” instead of “love you”, and I love the fact that you still like to take long naps and are such a good sleeper!

You are a true boy, even if you carry around dolls and make me paint your toes like your sisters. You are a joy to raise and I am so proud to be your momma. I love you little boy…