Apparently I have great powers. I can now control weather with my moods. Or is it the other way around?
My weekend was fine, full of family time and Christmas planning, but this melancholy feeling kept lingering. I made the rain last for three days straight. Seriously. We no longer live in a desert. It is turning into a marsh land. . .with cacti.
I needed to get out of my ‘funk’ to make the rain go away, so I made a game plan. I picked up some ‘pampering’ items at Target like foot cream, some cool facial mask thing, and a hot oil hair treatment. I also decided to do a yoga session right before bed so I could meditate, relax and hopefully chase away this uneasiness I was feeling. I did a full hour of Namaste yoga and it did seem to take the stress out of my shoulders and back. I showered, did my facial, and got in bed. Heaven.
I didn’t sleep as restfully as I had planned. My thoughts and dreams were full of confusion and questions. Questions about choices I’ve made, questions about my abilities as a parent, questions about life and purpose. I woke up and looked out of the window and wouldn’t you know it . . . fog. Thick fog. So thick in fact, that my husband decided to work from home to avoid driving in it. Great. This can’t be Arizona; it must be San Francisco.
I guess I couldn’t control how I felt, but I could control my actions. So I grabbed my running shoes. I was determined to fight off this mood. It was surreal to start running down the street, only able to only see 20 feet ahead of myself. I ran and waited for the music to start clearing my head like it has so many times before. Today it wasn’t working, just more questions. I ran farther than I had planned, because I couldn’t tell if I had ran very far, or if I was in the same spot I started in. Too much fog.
I could now only see 10 feet ahead of me, the haze was haunting, and I decided that I had enough of it. I wanted to turn down a farm road that I know is a shortcut, but it looked too foreboding, and so I moved on to the next street. Again, it didn’t seem like a good idea. I then understood that stopping was not an option. I just focused on putting one foot in front of the other until I saw a familiar sign. “Joy road”. I took this as a good omen and set out toward home.
I guess sometimes this is all you can do. You keep moving, and when the fog does clear, you just hope you aren’t lost.