I’m An Idiot!

So many great things happened this last year and some things that were not so great, but I feel like I finally grew up. There are things that I am proud of and a lot of things that I am still trying to forget. I will not be writing any lists of past events as I am ready to face the new year with a clean slate and with no excess baggage.

It makes me cringe when I think of the state of mind I was in before the holidays. I know myself very well and I also know that I’m someone who has to have some sort of human connection in my life at all times.  So I can’t figure out why I was letting myself become so reclusive and self-absorbed. I have been pushing away all of those who love me and make me happy.

I finally pulled myself together and left for our two week stay in Utah. As soon as I got in the car with my husband and kids I felt like I was truly ready to let go. With every mile we traveled, all of the anxiety and stress seemed to melt away. We stayed with relatives the first night to break up the long drive and I remember falling asleep with a huge grin on my face, knowing that more of this warm, calm feeling was awaiting me just a few more hours away. I was practically giggling as we drove through the familiar landscape the next day. I felt like one of my kids when I saw the snow on the mountains. I snapped pictures out the window even though I knew they wouldn’t be able to capture what I was feeling and seeing.

Staying with family over the last few weeks was exactly what I needed. I don’t feel like running away anymore; in fact, all of my goals for this new year are centered around getting closer as a family. My perspective on life has been too narrow and I know that I have the ability to not only make myself happy, but those around me too. I now feel like I really know my needs, my limits, and my strengths. I knew this all along, but 2007 made me realize that I was thinking too much and doing too little. I have a lot more to give and share.

This is the time of year when you look back and take stock of all that you have accomplished, learned, or experienced. I have been doing exactly that for the last week, and it makes me want to laugh, cry and kick my own a**.


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