Teeter Totter

Why do I have to sabatage myself when things are going well?

I can’t seem to have any sort of consistancy in my life and it’s largely due to the fact that I set myself up for disaster. These are some of the things that I do that make me crazy:

  • Just when I get my house organized and clean, I take on some huge project and create a new mess for myself. I can’t just sit back and enjoy the peace and harmony, no I’ll pull out bins of pictures that I swear I’m going to organize, or empty a room and just start painting away. Most of the time, halfway into the project, I either feel guilty that I am not spending enough time with my kids, or my kids drive me insane while I’m doing my project, and I have someone else finish, or I pack it all up for another time that doesn’t seem to come.
  • The more that I run, the better I feel. While this is really great, those endorphines are like a drug. You get to the point where running just isn’t enough. Then I start thinking about all the other sports I could do as well. In fact, today some of my running friends were trying to talk me into doing a girls ‘adventure weekend’. You hike, kayak and bike, and there are little ‘challenges’ that you have to do along the route, sort of like Fear Factor without all the eating of disgusting things. While this sounds great, I already leave my family half the day on Saturday to get long runs in, and with all the races coming up, I’ll be away from them a couple of weekends as well.
  •  I get along very well with my husband. He’s a lot of fun, he’s a great dad and husband, and he takes good care of all of us. We have very similar interests and it seems like we don’t ever run out of things to talk about. . . when we talk. I don’t know why I don’t plan time for just us. It shouldn’t be that hard, but between my training, his song writing and taking care of three kids, we just don’t spend that much quality time together. Part of the problem is I’m a very bad list maker/follower. If I was, I think we would make the time to spend more quality time together.
  • I am extremely stubborn. Even if I know I am wrong wether it be during a fight or just a difference of opinion, I have a really hard time biting my tongue. I tend to talk things to death to prove my point, and it’s not just during fights. Sometimes it’s the extreme opposite where I say or do too much and get my feelings hurt when those feelings are not reciprocated. I think that’s because I’m a very passionate person. (that’s what I try to tell myself anyway)
  • I feel like I have to be involved in everything. If there is a book club, playgroup, game night or whatever else going on in my neighborhood I want to be there. I am very social and love to be part of the action. These distractions are great, but they are still distractions from what I should be doing. But what should I be doing? Hmm. Maybe this is where a list might help.

I know I will someday find a balance, but for now I’ll just enjoy my ride. 

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2 Responses to Teeter Totter

  1. Therese says:

    Honestly, it sounds to me like you do have balance. You might take a look at that. There really is no other “thing you should be doing”. You are juggling several difficult roles but still taking time to do things for yourself i.e. run (I run too). It sounds like you are entirely too hard on yourself and it sounds like you are just doing life, living it to the fullest and so maybe embrace that. The fact that you can be squared away enough to start other projects is really an accomplishment in itself. Striving to make things better is always a good idea of course but celebrate what you’ve got going on. You sound pretty together to me !!!! Have a great day!

  2. So funny! We always think almost the same things at the exact same time. Today you write about balance . . .I write about being dizzy …

    I think we are probably very alike in many ways . . .

    Only I am probably a little more nutty! 🙂

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