For a long time now I have found myself saying things like “when things are normal again” or “I just want a normal life”. When I start to feel overwhelmed, or helpless, or heartbroken, or tired, confused, worried, or any of the thousands of other emotions that I go through, I repeat these words to myself and try to patiently wait for this magical time to come.
What has taken me 32 years, 5 months and a handful of weeks to discover, is that I do have a normal life. Normal people sometimes struggle. Normal people get divorced. Sometimes we make mistakes. People can and do get hurt. People with normal lives don’t always know what lies ahead. It is normal to have doubts and questions and wonder about religion. Bad things happen; people lose their jobs, their pets, their babies…it’s all. normal.
But this doesn’t mean that we aren’t going to be thrown for a loop when any of these ‘normal’ things happen to us. I was lucky enough for a while to live an abnormal life (or maybe just an oblivious one) and when reality hit (like it always will) I wasn’t quite sure what was wrong with me. I don’t know why I was so shocked to find out that I really am just like everyone else in this world and I’m not immune to anything. I guess none of us like to find out that we don’t have it all figured out.
Recently as I have been trying to comprehend and examine the ‘whys’ and ‘ifs’ in my life, I have had the opportunity to listen to others who have had to, or are going through very similar situations in their own lives. My perspectives on life are changing yet again. As more time passes, I am slowly starting to understand that these are all just lessons that I’m learning, and that there must be something that someone really needs me to find out. I promise, I’m listening now…
One thing is certain; I no longer doubt my abilities or instincts, and I am completely aware of my weaknesses. Okay, I guess that I am actually certain of two things. See, I’m learning already!