Careful What You Wish For…

For a long time now I have found myself saying things like “when things are normal again” or “I just want a normal life”. When I start to feel overwhelmed, or helpless, or heartbroken, or tired, confused, worried, or any of the thousands of other emotions that I go through, I repeat these words to myself and try to patiently wait for this magical time to come.

What has taken me 32 years, 5 months and a handful of weeks to discover, is that I do have a normal life. Normal people sometimes struggle. Normal people get divorced. Sometimes we make mistakes. People can and do get hurt. People with normal lives don’t always know what lies ahead. It is normal to have doubts and questions and wonder about religion. Bad things happen; people lose their jobs, their pets, their babies…it’s all. normal.

But this doesn’t mean that we aren’t going to be thrown for a loop when any of these ‘normal’ things happen to us. I was lucky enough for a while to live an abnormal life (or maybe just an oblivious one) and when reality hit (like it always will) I wasn’t quite sure what was wrong with me. I don’t know why I was so shocked to find out that I really am just like everyone else in this world and I’m not immune to anything. I guess none of us like to find out that we don’t have it all figured out.

Recently as I have been trying to comprehend and examine the ‘whys’ and ‘ifs’ in my life, I have had the opportunity to listen to others who have had to, or are going through very similar situations in their own lives. My perspectives on life are changing yet again. As more time passes, I am slowly starting to understand that these are all just lessons that I’m learning, and that there must be something that someone really needs me to find out. I promise, I’m listening now…

One thing is certain; I no longer doubt my abilities or instincts, and I am completely aware of my weaknesses. Okay, I guess that I am actually certain of two things. See, I’m learning already!

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12 Responses to Careful What You Wish For…

  1. sleepyjane says:

    See, it didn’t suck. 🙂 I find myself saying ‘when things are back to normal’ allll the time! And I totally agree that my life IS normal.

    What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger as they say. 🙂

  2. kspin says:

    Lol! Thanks!
    You are a smart one Miss Sleepy! We are going to be two strong girls, aren’t we? 😉

  3. Kemi says:

    I’m sorry for your suckage. Really, truly sorry.

    I always think, “If I can just get through this…” and then, of course, there’s always something looming right behind it that’s just as big, just as important, just as time-consuming, or just as life-altering.

    I wish I had some great insight to interject here, but I don’t. I’m still plodding along, one “this” at a time.

    Good luck!

  4. Sister Sassy says:

    Kspin, I’m all about following the path in front of you. I think those hard things we need to learn, we will learn. It may take time… I’m sort of still waiting on mine. I think I’m almost there. I’m paying attention and looking for clues but at the same time, I feel like it will just dawn on me when it does come.

    I am a strong believer that we end up where we are meant to, for the most part. (I dont think this is so for people who let their lives just flow with the choas, but with people who are active and paying attention and have self awareness). Sounds like you’re on your way baby, the path is hard, the journey is tough, but its all about the journey. Look around, smell the flowers and find joy along the way in whatever you can.

    you can call or email me any time you need a pep 🙂

  5. kspin says:

    Thanks Kemi-I know what you mean about one thing after another. Does it ever end? 🙂

    I should say that even though there has been much suckage in the last little while, I do feel like I’m in a better place emotionally and otherwise…this post was just more of a looking back on what I just learned kind of thing. Please no worries out there! Srsly. I am looking forward to some of these life-altering changes because I do believe that there is something even better lurking around the corner.

    So what if my finances suck right now, and so what that as of today my hubby may or may not have a job. Things can ALWAYS be worse! I know this, I have been there, and I’m grateful that our challenges are not that bad.

    Sorry about this huge comment, but I didn’t want you all to worry. Life is still good here in my crazy world! We heart crazy here you know! 😉

  6. kspin says:

    Hey Sassy- Lol! We must have been commenting at the same time! You are one of my inspirations and I KNOW you have lots of wisdom for me! You ‘get’ it! 🙂 Thanks for your offer…

  7. AS the old NIKE slogan goes “There is no finish line.” Even in running a marathon, as much as you look forward to the end, it is about the miles and miles that got you there. It is about the lessons learned along the way. It is about training and living for the long haul. Thank goodness for our “training partners” that help get us through the rough patches.

  8. Sister Sassy says:

    But, remember, its all fine to hit yourself in the head with an “i am blessed” tablet, but sometimes you just can’t help feeling sorry for yourself. during those times, just reach out and keep your eyes in front of you. Go watch Meet the Robinsons so you can learn about “keep moving forward” lol.

    I made it through Chicago… my head firmly attached to my neck 🙂

  9. kspin says:

    Sassy-Lol! I like your hitting myself in the head analogy…so true. It sounds like we need a movie night with the kids this week! 😉

    Fastlane-That’s exactly how I feel about my last few months! I treasure those miles and will never regret the hard work and of course the good memories too. Thanks.

  10. smack says:

    truer words have never been spoken. I have some pretty down moments where I’ll just feel all sorry for myself for choices I made along the line that made my steps a little heavier. But then, I always say “poop on that! I never would have gotten to whereI am without doing all that other crap.”

    Not saying I want any more of those damn bumps though.

  11. andrea says:

    Life is messy. It’s what makes it so damn interesting though.

  12. sperlygirl says:

    lordy, when you can define ‘normal’ be sure to let me know! 😉 i hear you and echo your thoughts. here’s what i am discovering….hold on – and enjoy the ride. i always go back to that scene from the film, “parenthood” with steve martin – and the roller coaster. it was pure truth.

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