Kiss The Girl

(posted by jSpin)

I have a confession to make.  While Kspin has been away in Utah, I have been spending a lot of time with another woman. Her name is Colbie. This is a picture of her. that. she. posted. on the internet for me.

We’re not exactly ‘seeing each other’ in the traditional sense, or any sense for that matter. It’s more like we’re ‘hearing each other’. Well, that’s not entirely accurate either; she’s certainly never ‘heard’ of me. It’s more of what you would call a one-sided audio relationship. We’re not monogamous (but we are stereogamous). And it’s quickly becoming a pretty darned cruel relationship.

Perhaps I should explain. You see, Colbie is a musician of the singer/songwriter variety. She writes these sweet, lighter-than-air, breezy songs (all for me naturally), records them, and then tortures me with them. I say ‘torture’ for the following reasons:

1) For some reason, every note of every melody reminds me of K, which makes me miss her. Then, I cry : (

2) Almost all of Colbie’s songs have sort of an ‘island vibe’. This, of course, reminds me of the ocean and beaches, which in turn makes me daydream about being in Maui with Kspin, which makes make my head swirl with memories of our first summer together in Hawaii. This causes all of my senses to flood with nostalgia. This makes me long for K even more. Then, I cry. 

3) Colbie hangs out (and writes irresistible, intoxicating duets) with guys like Jason Mraz, who is one of K’s and my favorite artists. A song like ‘Lucky’ is enough torture when my K is away. But then of all things, I discover that she’s gone and covered a song from a kids’ movie like Little Mermaid! The audacity! Because naturally, this makes me start to think of MY two little mermaids and their mer-brother, which reminds me of how much I miss them and their mer-mom. And then? You got it. I cry. 

As both a practicing conspiracy theorist and board-certified believer-of-highly-unlikely-things, I am convinced that my wife pays Colbie Calliat to write these torturous songs for me. It’s the only plausible explanation for the effect they have on me. But all things considered, I suppose it’s fair payback for the several occasions on which I have hired the likes of Adam Levine and Chris Martin to torture her . . . 

In fact, this is a picture of me (left)  hanging out with Adam (right) teaching him how to look like he knows how to play guitar so can get chicks.

Okay, but really, you MUST listen to Colbie Caillet’s version of ‘Kiss the Girl’ (graciously embedded below for your convenience). Before I heard this, you’d have had a pretty tough time convincing me that ANY artist could cover a song like this without sounding campy, contrived, or plain silly. I mean, considering that it’s a song originally performed by a cartoon. Oh, and not just any cartoon, but a Jamaican, baby-boomer cartoon crab with a thick accent and an inferiority complex. That’s a tough act to follow.

Somehow though, Colbie totally pulls it off. It’s graceful, sweet, simple and completely original. And she does something in the video that not enough people do anymore: she smiles. I LOVE it!

To me, this song is sort of the musical equivalent of ‘Sensual Sunset’ or ‘Jeweled Citrus’ body lotion from Victoria’s Secret. . which . . .of course . . . K used to wear all the time, which makes me start to daydream about her again, and well, you get the idea by now.

So in closing . . .If you have kids, please go give them kisses immediately. Then sit down and watch Little Mermaid with them. If you’re a husband, please go kiss your wife and then hold her for a really long time. She probably misses you. If you’re a wife, tell your husband to come here right now and read this post (then he’ll kiss you). If you’re single, well, I’m taken. So is K. But I do believe Colbie, Adam, and Jason are available. . .

(coming soon: kspin’s 100th post!!!!!)