Different, But The Same

This morning I woke up earlier than usual and went out for another run. Same 4 miles as last time, but this morning was a little darker, a little quieter.

I picked right up where I left off in my music line-up, but today’s songs (S through T) were much more mellow and for some reason they all made me think of big things. Like the world, my personal responsibilities, and the size of a woman’s heart. (I have a theory that our hearts have to have some extra room to be pulled and stretched to fit everyone and everything in without bursting or breaking) I also thought of that big event I keep hinting about and how incredible my journey to get to this point has been.

A couple of weeks ago I was able to attend a wedding reception for a very good friend up in Salt Lake. I don’t know anyone who is better at not only keeping in touch with her friends, but also still being a “quality” friend; like remembering birthdays, sending Christmas cards, condolence cards, etc.  to all of her thousands of friends. (I’m only slightly exaggerating here. she has many, many friends) Way before Facebook, she was the go-to girl for information about anyone! Because of the incredible person that she is, I knew that I would see many of my college friends there. (and you know I love excuses to see my sisters and family in Utah too!)

I only went to SUU for one year, but the friendships I had there are ones I truly cherish. The best thing I ever did while going there was joining a sorority. Funny how that was the ONE thing I was sure I would NOT do. Following in my older sister’s footsteps turned out to be a very rewarding experience for me in this instance. If I wouldn’t have run off to Hawaii for what was going to be a summer break, I would have gone back to school there in an instant. However, shortly after returning home from my extended break that next winter, I met Jake and that quickly ended my desire to return to a school 4 hours away from him.

What I do regret about that time was how selfish, and well, flighty I was. I know, I know. Everyone is supposed to be like that at 18 and 19 years old, right? I guess so, but I still wish that I would have really told my friends and showed them how much I treasured them. Instead I was too busy looking over their shoulders for the next big thing going on. And don’t even get me started about boys… yikes! I was not kind to many of them at all. Let’s just say that my priorities were not in great order back then and leave it at that shall we?{phew} thanks!

I’m very honored that many of those friends can overlook my past and accept me for me. It’s been so wonderful to rekindle these friendships with the help of blogs, facebook, etc. and I love to catch up in person too whenever possible. While I was at the wedding grinning at and hugging all of those that I love so much, my little brain was a jumbled mess of thoughts as usual. I wanted so badly to explain that I was not the wishy-washy girl that I used to be, but that I had grown and changed. That I could now be a friend to be trusted and depended on. But how do you really do that? I guess this is where blogs could come in handy.

I tell you this story, because I have been trying to find a way to explain how I came to this next step of my life. This step of Jake and I and our kids being sealed together for time and all eternity. It feels a little strange to say that out loud. Actually, I can’t write, say, or think it without smiling. It’s been a long road. One that I could never have predicted, but one that deep down I have always longed for. And now this amazing event is only weeks away and I really wonder if my head will come out of the clouds anytime soon…

Some of you will understand all of this and some of you won’t. Some of you have been on this journey with us, and some of you have been with us, just not physically. I am still me. Jake is still Jake. We are far from perfect, we still drive each other crazy and we are just as silly and obnoxious as ever. Our perspective definitely has changed, but we are still the same people, just different.

I’m sure I’m not the only mid-thirties woman who is just barely figuring out who I am and what is most important to me. So what have you all learned about yourselves recently? Did you follow the exact path you thought you would or are you like me and your path is starting to look more like a zigzag?…

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4 Responses to Different, But The Same

  1. Jamie says:

    I love this post! But as someone who knew you “back in the day” I must say you are a bit hard on the you back then – I remember a kind, fun and beautiful girl that brightened up the house. And thanks to blogland I love the glimpses I get of your grownup self – a talented, beautiful and dedicated woman.

    K-Jamie you are too kind. Now if you would’ve added “studious” I would have known you were lying! 😉 I loved living with you and all of those 7-12(?) other wonderful women!

  2. Kemi says:

    Oh, Karolee, congratulations! What a wonderful experience to look forward to! 🙂

    K-Thank you… So, did you guess right? 😉

  3. jennie says:

    Karolee,
    I love this post- so from the heart. If it makes you feel any better, I don’t remember the flaky college girl you’re talking about but isn’t time a wonderful thing- we can change things about ourselves that we don’t like. As for the sorority, it was the best financial investment I’ve ever made. The friends I made are absolutely priceless.
    I am so happy for you and Jake. That is such a wonderful thing for your family. I still have fond memories of being sealed to my parents in the Dallas temple when I was in fifth grade. I’m sure it will be an experience that your kids will cherish.
    Love you,
    Jennie

    K-I didn’t know that about your sealing, very cool. I’m really excited for my kids to be able to have this experience with us and I hope they all will remember it as well. It’s really hard to put my emotions into words lately. Spiritual things are really hard for me to describe, so thank you for this, it means a lot to me.

  4. It’s an amazing thing to see the joy and peace and excitement in your countenance…I am so happy for you and your family. There is no question in my mind that t your lives will be blessed immensely because of your choices to get you to this place in your life journey. Enjoy every part of the day…and don’t let any stress creep in. 🙂 My heart is so full of happiness for you. I’ll be thinking of you tomorrow.

    K-What? Don’t stress? lol! We’re trying not to! Thanks so much… 🙂

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